Thursday, June 1, 2017

Eating away at confidence: apathy and despair

Sorry, folks, this post might be more personal than you want to read. Feel free to come back for a more interesting post.I know I haven't been posting as much as I'd like, and my traffic is down as a result.

I have a pair of bad tendencies in my life, and they come at me like little voices in my head. They tell me not to bother with something, or what's the point of doing it, or my little contributions don't matter. While I'm not going to stop blogging, I have to admit that it is tempting to give in to the defeatism and apathy.

Now, this is more of a general feeling in my life, not just with regards to this project. I'm feeling stuck in a dead end temp job, because IL just isn't seeing real job growth yet, and while a part of me wants to move, I don't have much clue where I'd go. Sure, I have a degree, but I've no experience past entry level grunt work(a combination of life events and a lack of knowledge about going after things).

Part of this, I believe, has to do with the fact that it's just me. As long as I'm the only one affected by my lack of decisions(that's really what it amounts to), I haven't minded that much. But it's demoralizing to work like crazy, and know you're as disposable as a paper cup to  your employer. I can state pretty confidently about that, given that most people don't  make it to six months, in fact most of the people the temp agency brings in don't stick around a month.

The fact is, my life is lonely. I don't have a home, I have an apartment that holds my stuff, and sometimes me. Sure, I've got friends, but I only see any of them maybe across 3 days in a week. Those of you wondering how I read so fast, I've got very few people taking up my time.

At any rate, if you've got leads for better job markets, let me know. If you're the praying sort, I would appreciate your prayers.

I'll try to have a book review set in a couple days, as well. Thanks for bearing with.

When you play Social Justice, the world loses.


2 comments:

  1. Awwwww you'll be in my prayers.

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  2. So sorry to hear this. I will keep you in prayer.

    ReplyDelete