So, Fisking. Original will be in italics, my responses in bold.
Recently, in an online community that I participate in, there was a post discussing community standards which included the word “trolling” in the list of intolerable behaviorsSomeone expressed concern that some people might not know what “trolling” means, to which I replied (rather bluntly) that if someone participating in an online community doesn’t know what a word that has been around so long that it has passed into the common parlance means when used in reference to anti-social online behavior, that’s their problem for not taking the time to educate themselves. (I mean, that’s why Google exists, right?) And apparently, my comment was perceived by at least one person as bullying.
Well, that's not a bad start. People should be called out for being too lazy and dumb to use Google or dictionary.com while on the internet.
Which. On the one hand, sure. I’m a bitch, and have long since stopped trying to be anything other than a bitch no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, someone is always going to think that you’re a bitch if you’re a woman, since “bitch” pretty much only means “woman that I don’t approve of”.
Glad you got that out of the way. Why are you so hateful? Oh, and bitch means "
And yeah, I don’t have much empathy for ignorance about 101 level issues, which isn’t always the best – especially when I’m dealing with people who are part of communities that I’m invested in. In those sorts of situations, bridge-building is important, and it’s not something I’m terribly good at. While I look up tremendously to the women in my circles who are bridge-builders, I know that’s not ever going to be me. I just don’t have the patience.
If you don't want to get people up to speed, why are you blogging about it? You're not very good with people, are you? Oh, right. Going back to read the definition of bitch. As you claim that, so have you become.
On the other hand, though, I’m pretty annoyed that saying forthrightly and without apology that people need to be responsible for educating themselves is something that someone can feel “bullied” by.
Oh, so your feelings are the only ones that matter? Good to know where "feminism in gaming" stands on individual rights and respect for others.
I have been both 1) bullied and 2) a clueless white person who couldn’t buy a clue to save her life, and I can tell you from personal experience that the pain of learning that you are ignorant about social justice and need to do some work around educating yourself does not even come close to the pain and life-long trauma caused by being the victim of bullying. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.
1. I'd be surprised if you knew being bullied as well as I have in the past. 2. You're still a clueless white person; did the white girls in Stockton deserve to get raped during the"protests"? 3.Your idea of social justice has nothing to do with justice, but rather vindictiveness, adversarial identity politics, and a lack of will to GROW UP AND DEAL WITH LIFE. The universe owes you nothing.
Learning how ignorant I was about social justice and the level to which I needed to educate myself? That sucked, sure. It’s painful realizing that you’ve been inadvertently reinforcing systemic injustice, because everyone wants to believe that they’re a good person
Really? The cognitive dissonance is strong here. Being a bitch is mutually exclusive of being good. Reinforcing systemic injustice? What, are you a fence for a burglary ring? Are you a drug dealer or pimp? Are you practicing usury? These are actual injustice.
Being bullied? Left life-long scars that I won’t ever recover from. Saying that you feel “bullied” by someone telling you to do your own damn work in educating yourself about important issues just shows how much marginalized people are expected to do the work of teaching their oppressors how not to be oppressive. Marginalized people are expected to hold their oppressor’s hand while gently stroking their hair and whispering softly in soothing, dulcet tones about how their behavior was oppressive, but it’s okay because they didn’t know and they’re still a good person.
HAHAHAHAHA. If you have actual scars, fine. Show 'em, and I'll sympathize. But if you feel marginalized, you put yourself in the margins, probably by being an idiot and also valuing the opinion of predatory people. Which you seem to have become.
Which. You know what? No.
Now I am talking generally and not a specific person, just to be clearIt’s no secret that this is and never has been a 101 level blog – it’s right there in the sidebar. I delete comments pertaining to 101-level questions and issues, because there are so many better places on the internet to educate yourself.
Nice to see you being open to dialog. I can guess how you feel about dissent.
There are two reasons for this that I give whenever I am asked about the policy:
- Something I learned in the first few years of running this blog was that if I tried to answer all of the 101-level questions I got, I would never get any real actual work done. If I did all of the work around educating clueless privileged people that I was expected to do, I would never get to write about the deeper issues that are my real passion and focus.
- I am tired of having the same damn 101-level conversations over, and over, and over again. Explaining the basics of social justice 101 is fucking exhausting and aggravating to me, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.
But if I’m honest, there’s also a third reason. One I don’t talk about much, because it’s hard to address it without sounding like a complete and total bitch: I don’t have empathy for the 101-level struggles of men because men fucking exhaust me.
I'm guessing it's for two reasons: you are a complete and total bitch, and you wish that men would exhasut you. The wall hit pretty hard, I take it?
I’m not proud of it. As much as I make jokes about misandry and male tears, I’ll cop to the fact that those jokes are more of a coping mechanism for dealing with the shit I get because of writing this blog than an actual desire to laugh at men’s suffering.
Not buying it. Don't start none, won't be none. Oh, too late for that. Your type created the M&M's meme that essentially calls all men monsters, right? You know, the first one here:
I would like to be able to respond to these situations with empathy and compassion, but that’s just not possible, because I have suffered too much from men too often.
Right. Because you have lousy taste in men.
When my daily life is full of struggles that reinforce the fact that society sees me as less because I am female, I just don’t have the energy to feel empathetic about a man’s pain that a woman is refusing to educate him about the basics of the basics of the basics of social justice.
I see you as less because you're dumb and have poor judgement. How high is you notch count? Nobody wants a field that's been overworked, it's not fertile.
Specifically, I don’t have empathy for men who need education to understand that patriarchy exists.
I don't have much for women that don't realize they benefit from patriarchy.
When daycare costs in Canada are forcing women out of the workplace and back into the home… When the male-domination of the tech industry means that tech towns are also areas in which women suffer the greatest economic inequality…
Those Canadian homes are likely happier long term. The article literally says nothing about it possibly being a cultural choice. Men hate the workplace, but see it as a need to provide for themselves and their families. Why do you want women there instead of home?
I also see a refusal to acknowledge the fact that women's healthcare costs far more and is used more often. And the fact that women are more likely to leave the workforce for great periods of time, if not altogether.
When, at my last job, I made 78% of what my husband makes, despite having a higher education level than he does… When my life is full of glass ceilings and invisible barriers that I have been beating my head against, with no perceptible progress, I can’t have empathy for a man who is blind to the daily indignities that I face.
Different fields merit different pay. A master's in social work is worth less than a high school diploma. An electrician's license is worth much more. Mortality risk is a factor. Also, how long were you at your respective jobs? It's not an apples to apples comparison. Again, the universe owes you nothing.
I don’t have empathy for men who need education to understand that you are accountable for your sexist actions.
I have none for women without the ability to understand the reverse is also true.
When I worked for several years for a company at which the sales bros could talk openly in the office about strippers, call women bitches, and engage in other sorts of misogynist language without any penalties or repercussions… When that same company literally broke the law in regards to condoning a hostile work environment and doing nothing to change it when it was reported to them, and I was told that I had no real legal recourse…
If true, you should have carefully documented the incidents and seen the police or legal counsel. Possibly both. You didn't or you'd have said.
When I once temped as an assistant to a high-powered real estate broker who was so condescendingly insulting and patronizing that he made me cry on multiple occasions, and I later found out that I was his fifth temp in four weeks…
So he's a lousy person. You have lousy taste in men. We already established this.
When my life has been full of men who have harassed, insulted, or harmed me with sexist words and actions, I can’t have empathy for a man who is blind to the fact that only you are responsible for your actions.
Well, the second part there we agree on. The first, again, you have lousy taste in men. I think you actually like being treated like trash, you just don't want to admit it.
I don’t have empathy for men who need education to understand that the male gaze exists.
And I suppose the female doesn't? Right, quit acting like you don't do the exact same to men, or haven't in the past.
When IGN had a section of their website devoted to covering booth babes at E3 (before booth babes at E3 were outlawed)…
This is a part of why Grummz is the navel guy. I know it's from PAX instead, but your culture created part of what he's know for.
When games like Soul Calibur and Dead or Alive offer up sexualized depictions of women who are reduced to a collection of titillating body parts…
Are you just bad at fighters, and want something to complain about? Because the men in those games are pretty sexualized too.
When Bayonetta is sold as an empowered and liberated “strong female character”…
You know a woman created Bayonetta, right?
When the hobby that I love reduces women on a daily basis to the sexual pleasure and gratification that they can provide to the only “real” gamers – straight men – I can’t have empathy for a man who is blind to the fact that objectification of women is a problem.
You don't love the hobby, you love posturing and World of Darkness fanfic. You also can't deal with the fact that straight men are the biggest market for hobby games. Of any type. Go read 50 Shades of Grey again, you sad thing.
I don’t have empathy for men who need education to understand that rape culture exists.
Do you mean like the Rolling Stone UVA lie? Or the Duke lacrosse team false accusation? Or mattress girl's observable lies? While rape is tragic and should be punished, feminists continue to give less reason for women to be trusted.
Or were you referring to the real rape culture of women teachers? Because I'm tired of not being able to go a freaking month without seeing a story where a woman rapes an underage student, and most of the time, gets off easy.
When all the girls I went to high school with wore shorts under their uniform skirts because the boys would flip up our skirts to “see if we were wearing underwear”…
Your parents didn't do anything. Either you never told them or are lying. Which bad judgement do you have here?
When truck drivers coming into the office of the company I used to work for would routinely sexually harass the women in the office…
I'm guessing you have a bad definition here. In the USA, an incident would get investigated and if true, the perpetrator fired. Or, you're just too stupid to document properly.
When I have been pursued by men who are only dissuaded by me making a show of the ring on my finger…
And you'll complain when they stop entirely. Make up your mind.
When literally every woman I know has at least one story about unwanted sexual touching by a man at some point in their life…
Define "unwanted sexual touching". Because I don't know if you mean a guy touched their hand or what. Stop moving goalposts; reaching for her hand isn't rape or necessarily harassment.
When there are now 50 women who say that Bill Cosby raped them and there are still people who say those women are just looking for attention…
Don't know on that one. It looks bad for Bill, but I've heard of rings of highschool girls that lied about a coach raping them. Again, why did it take until now?
When I have to exist daily in a culture that commodifies my body and tells men that they are entitled to use it for their sexual pleasure, I can’t have empathy for a man who is blind to the ways in which our society excuses rapists and blames the victims of rape for their own rape.
You know what? Carry a gun. If someone actually tries to rape you, shoot them. Then get counseling, there's some real damage that occurs mentally.
I don’t have empathy for men who need education understand that rigid gender roles are bad
Right, you hate cooking and cleaning; and would rather have a boss that hates you and makes you cry.
When my four year old daughter thinks that women can’t fly planes… When my daughter wants to grow up to be a princess who gets saved from a monster by a prince, marry that prince, and have babies, despite my husband and I telling her she can do anything she wants with her life…
Ok, some women can fly planes(and helicopters). But why can't you see that your daughter is actively rejecting the life that is clearly making you a miserable, hateful person? Why can't she have what she wants, instead of what you want for her? Isn't it HER CHOICE, feminist? Or do you not grant her agency, as you are enlightened?
When a friend’s five year old son gets bullied for wearing his favorite skirt to school and cries because of it…
I don't know what definition of bullying you have here, but maybe he should conform here until grown. Men can wear kilts, but men in skirts and dresses just look sad. Norms are not harmful; get over it.
When the daily reality of parenting my four year old daughter is trying and failing to combat the social programming she internalized when she was TWO that she is less because she is female, I can’t have empathy for a man who is blind to the ways in which gender essentialism and binarism are harmful.
Quit projecting your feelings of being female onto your daughter. She knows she is more because she is female: her sex has purpose, unlike yours. If she stays smart, she'll run away with a good Christian man and have a lot of children as soon as she can.
So that’s where I set the bar of “you must be at least this enlightened to be worth my time”. Make of that what you will.
So your an elitist academic that hates the common man(and woman)? Got it.
Well folks, that's your reminder for the day.
When you play Social Justice, the world loses.